She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
