you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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