the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
