Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
