Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
