I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So much rum. So many feels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
