i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
