dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
