Dual....:-)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
