Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
