the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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