I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
