He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
