I got chris browned last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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