Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
