I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
