good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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