you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
