I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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