TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
