Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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