I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
