I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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