I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
