This is not my ceiling
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
