If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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