Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
