Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're like the curious george of whores
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
