please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
