Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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