Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mom said you looked used
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
