i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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