ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
