Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
