i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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