So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
