im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
