I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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