Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
