hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
