It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
