Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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