I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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