Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
