i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
