I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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