just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize