Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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