Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
