I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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