I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
