so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I forget how to act sober
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