Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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