Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
