I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
