Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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