Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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