ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
