M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
