Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

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  (720): the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat. http://tfl.nu/19vn
  Replies (14) Good night (4521) Bad night (844)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.

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  (412): All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire. http://tfl.nu/ff1n
  Replies (19) Good night (4317) Bad night (1906)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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  (905): the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster http://tfl.nu/r7o9
  Replies (3) Good night (711) Bad night (3746)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

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  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8666) Bad night (1057)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.

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  (407): Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/nqmc
  Replies (41) Good night (966) Bad night (6191)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

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  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (18) Good night (4823) Bad night (1344)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.

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  (860): once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore. http://tfl.nu/0b2i
  Replies (19) Good night (781) Bad night (5621)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.

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  (612): Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C. http://tfl.nu/wowt
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (739)
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  (619): View more from California

  Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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  (619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j
  Replies (11) Good night (390) Bad night (983)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.

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  (920): If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujgb
  Replies (6) Good night (1469) Bad night (401)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.

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  (415): I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy. http://tfl.nu/udyo
  Replies (6) Good night (1309) Bad night (727)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear

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  (717): Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear http://tfl.nu/2cuy
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (426)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

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  (312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (409)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.

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  (708): I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun. http://tfl.nu/pax3
  Replies (1) Good night (225) Bad night (488)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson

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  (630): I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson http://tfl.nu/858l
  Replies (8) Good night (609) Bad night (241)

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