just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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