Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

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  (847): okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy. http://tfl.nu/r1l8
  Replies (20) Good night (726) Bad night (5074)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

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  (540): I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen. http://tfl.nu/c2d0
  Replies (14) Good night (5575) Bad night (1000)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

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  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (5242) Bad night (1437)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

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  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (4353) Bad night (1458)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons

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  (301): Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons http://tfl.nu/ha6n
  Replies (28) Good night (1256) Bad night (4249)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
  Replies (27) Good night (1361) Bad night (7259)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6689) Bad night (1385)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"

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  (931): I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard" http://tfl.nu/ugy9
  Replies (5) Good night (1315) Bad night (2537)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...

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  (907): Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning... http://tfl.nu/hr8v
  Replies (5) Good night (3132) Bad night (1391)
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  (510): View more from California

  I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.

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  (510): I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper. http://tfl.nu/fogv
  Replies (6) Good night (1722) Bad night (924)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...

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  (724): My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out... http://tfl.nu/jne9
  Replies (5) Good night (2805) Bad night (1036)
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  (661): View more from California

  I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.

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  (661): I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love. http://tfl.nu/wt93
  Replies (8) Good night (1034) Bad night (750)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.

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  (515): You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick. http://tfl.nu/jkbb
  Replies (5) Good night (1388) Bad night (415)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER

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  (828): It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER http://tfl.nu/5p6u
  Replies (3) Good night (309) Bad night (266)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok

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  (304): I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok http://tfl.nu/9m9q
  Replies (2) Good night (285) Bad night (135)

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