Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
