Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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