Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
