I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
