Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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