Don't you send me to vm
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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